My latest post on Scary Mommy is up! http://www.scarymommy.com/how-to-decide-which-child-you-love-the-most/
It often happens around the two to two and a half year phase. You’ll be at your weekly playgroup meet-up and notice that instead of discussing music class options or which playground sandbox is the scariest, you hear your fellow moms talking to their children instead.
“Do you need to potty?” “Do you need to potty now?” “You look like you have to potty.” “How about now?” “How about NOW?”
You watch your child’s classmates at preschool being dropped off in one pair of pants & picked up in another. And you notice that their backsides have become considerably flatter.
It’s quite clear these children are in the midst of potty training. So you decide it’s time for your own child to start as well.
You try the M&M’s method. You try the three day method. You try the commando method. And then you try the waiting until your child is ready method.
Of course you might feel some disappointment and defeat, but just remember there are positives to your child being in diapers:
Seriously, your arms are getting a workout each and every time you lift those toddler pounds onto a changing table. It’s like a free weight class and any trainer would be proud of the grunts it entails to get your child up and down because children at this age can be really freakin’ heavy.
2. Immunity to the grossness of poop
Poop is gross. It always has been. And yet…ever since your little one squirted out their first disgusting presents, you’ve come to see it more as just a normal bodily function than something to gag at. You practically have a nurse’s steeled mentality to not even scoff at bodily excretions.
Until of course your child has been potty-trained and you don’t have to deal with gross bodily excretions you eventually lose that built-up immunity. Sounds okay but once poop seems absolutely disgusting to you again those late nights taking care of a sick child with diarrhea become that much harder. Think about it. Or don’t. Actually, don’t think about it.
Diapers are a product produced in factories by factory works paid to make them. Once your little one is potty trained you are no longer supporting the diaper based economy. Do you really feel good about that?* Do you?
(*this question is not for people who care at all about the environment or about underwear making factory workers).
Little kids are notorious for having no fear of running, jumping and spinning anywhere yet not quite grasping how to adequately come to complete stops. Which leads to lots and lots of falling down, often on their tushes. With diapers they still have that extra padding to soften the blows. Come to think of it, that might make them even more dare-devilish. Ahem…moving on…
5. The Excuse to Brag
Sure, you can’t post on Facebook yet that you live in a diaper free house or ask where the best Spider-Man underwear can be found. But if you are asked about your child’s potty training progress, it gives you an opening to brag about whatever extraordinary accomplishments that they have mastered.
“Oh, we haven’t given much time to potty training just yet. Little Liam has been too busy mastering Beethoven’s Ninth on the piano.”
“Yes, I’m sure Cassie will figure out going on the potty just as soon as she finishes reading Harry Potter. She loves the fourth book and insists on reading it twice before starting the fifth one. In Mandarin.”
“Well, I guess we could focus on something as common as potty training. I’ve just chosen to build up Jared’s core strength. I’m pretty sure it helped him achieve the brown belt in karate last weekend.”
So you see, there are lots of positives to having a child still in diapers. And they will surely feel comfortable on a toilet when they’re ready. At which time you may want to invest in a weight lifting class.